Non-Jews are for practice
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
