I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
