I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
