Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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