i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
