Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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