So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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