Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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