chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
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