I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
