I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
