I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
