it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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