went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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