Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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