dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
