dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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