so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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