he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
