Im at strip club and am horny
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
