Cold hands, warm shart.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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