I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
