Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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