Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
