You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
