I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
