I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize