did you get engaged???
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
