Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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