I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
