our cab driver is having phone sex.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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