fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
