My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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