hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize