fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Non-Jews are for practice
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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