Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Walk of Shame today included voting.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
