i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
