omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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