Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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