I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize
