I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
