Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
