Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
