you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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