She said her name was "party"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
