Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
