I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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