I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
