btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
