Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
