I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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