Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize