dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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