A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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