so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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