you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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