you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
