I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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