With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
