His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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