I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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