you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
