So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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