just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
