Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
