I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize