Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
