There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
