I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
