i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize