We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
