Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
