How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
