so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
