just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We left the knife in your bed.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
In other news, I just burned my penis
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
