i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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