I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
