i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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