I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
