I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
