We won't sleep together?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
