Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
