Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
