I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
