my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
