After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
