It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize