I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
