I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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