I think I died a long time ago.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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