You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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