READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
