He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
MIDGETS
????
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
