He is an equal opportunity slut.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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