Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
