I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
